Hmmm? Isn't it? Banana?

Knackered.

Ok. All my stuff (pretty much) has been taken by myself, Scott and Julio in a van to my Dad's house today (there was slightly more than I estimated, but hey, he'll live). It has been along and sweaty day, but ended rather well. Knackering.

I even managed to get enough done before the weekend to have two evenings and a day
on the piss with various people (managing to tie it in with various moving related things) and so have had a pretty good weekend. I have even felt a bit warm and fluffy (despite my jaded and granite cold heart) as several of the friends that I have made since I have been here have been in tears or thereabouts about my leaving. I know it sounds a bit harsh to be pleased that they were crying and all that, but it was nice to see they cared so much. Kat in particular nearly destroyed one of my white T-shirts on Saturday night by emptying her entire face full of mascara on me when she was about to go home. Apparently she even cried all the way home, too, bless her. I'd like to think that the fact that it was half 5 in the morning when her and her sister (Ams) left, and that we had been drinking since 7 had nothing to do with it, but my mind is open....!

There was also a rather odd incident on Sunday night. There is a very gorgeous young lady (called Jess) that I had been lusting after, for getting on for a year, who works in my local pub. She is really pretty, sexy and very sweet, but has given me no sign of interest other than our usual silliness and messing about when I go there - just the usual flirting between us and a bit of giggling. I'd given up some time ago from trying seriously as there seemed to be no encouragement. Anyway, she met up with us when we were out for a few drinks on Sunday night and as we were saying our goodbyes at the end of the night (completely out of the blue) she threw her arms around me and dragged me to one side to explain to me how upset she was that I was leaving her (as she put it), and the opportunity that we had both missed, and how gutted (and sorry!) she was that she had had a boyfriend for so much of the time that I had lived here.

What? Where the fuck did that come from? Even Ams and Scott were unprepared for that; they didn't see it coming either, so it wasn't just Johnny Fuckwit here missing the signs. My unrequited lust for Jess had been a running joke for many months.

Amazing. Even more proof that I totally don't understand women. There is nothing like leaving somewhere for finding out a lot of interesting things, and having women suddenly decide to leap on you, as I have found out in the past, but that one was a lot more unexpected. Barking mad, the lot of them, I reckon.

Anyway, I am finishing off a very good bottle of wine as I enjoy my last evening in my flat - I have very much enjoyed living here, the town and the people have been great and I truly love my flat; it's been the nicest place I have ever lived and been all my own. I can't really explain what that means to me (or why), but it has been a significant element in my life to be so comfortable and relaxed at home. I shall miss it, and the fantastic weather this weekend has reminded me exactly why this area is so pretty and lovely to be in, with the Air balloons flying 100 foot over the town as they travel up the valley, with me stood on my balcony on the sun at 7 in the evening watching them go past.

Lovely. If you ever get the chance, live in the Cotswolds. Even for a short time. You could also do a lot worse than here, to be honest. The alternative lifestyle here (this is where all the hippies and 'holistic massage/healing' types live when they aren't at Glastonbury) means that it is a very laid back town. Very relaxing. I think that if I'd been in any other sort of town, the way I have been feeling for the last six months or so would have produced a very different and unhappy ending, to be brutally honest. I haven't discussed (or even touched on) how fucking frustrated and unhappy I got close to being (with anyone at all) but it was there, and I needed to shift it. I am grateful to the people I have met here (and the support from my friends - both online and of some years - even if they didn't know they were helping something I was keeping to myself), and the ambiance of the place itself, for making coming home be much more of a positive influence than it might have been.

Anyway. This is all getting a bit close to home, and I am pissed. So rather than be too honest (Heaven forbid!), I am going to sign off. I am sad to leave, but happy to be going. That sounds odd, but it's true. I had no real future in the UK, in a multitude of ways, but what I do have (my friends and the like) I will miss - despite what little time I have ( and have had) to spend with some of them. They, hopefully, know how much I value them as I'm not sure I would know how to express it, but I shall miss being so close to them even if I have been unable to afford/cope with being able to jump in a car and go and see them when I want to. Just knowing that if I could have gone to see them, I would have had their friendship, regardless of how often I saw them, has been important to me. Much more than any of you realise.

I fly out on Wednesday lunchtime (after a night at my Dad's). I will post some pictures of the journey (of course) and post some amusing stories (no doubt) of my first encounters with the U. S. of A and all that. I only hope (as SO many of my friends have suggested to me - fuckers) that I can hold my tongue and piss taking long enough to sign a long term contract....

posted by Brock @ Monday, June 05, 2006