Hmmm? Isn't it? Banana?

Dieting explained.

You can tell diets aren't designed by Engineers, you know. There is no lateral thought. Name the one thing that all diets have in common? That's right, small boy at the back, Food.

Think of the Human body as a machine for a second. When we look at a machine, an Engineer will see it as an input and output number or measurement. Highest efficiency in a machine is maximum output for minimum input. Think of the body the same way. It doesn't matter if you control the input if it is merely being stored and not produced as output. You need to make the machine work harder (the 'exercise' thingy I keep hearing about) or produce more output.

Now the analogy starts to be useful. The Human body is one of the few things that can control it's output so easily, so my dieting solution is this:

Shit more.

That's all you have to do, and it involves little extra effort. Well. A bit more grunting and pushing, obviously, but no running about or any of that bollocks. When you next go to the toilet and you feel you are about finished, just sit a bit longer and try a bit harder.

Easy, isn't it? Probably best to stop when you see blood or feel dizzy, but you should be able to see some results in a few weeks. It's as simple as that. Increase output for a given input, and you have to get thinner, eh? No more need to worry about what you eat, just make sure that after Christmas dinners or other blow outs, you have a damn good crap. And then have another just to be sure. Much more enjoyable than throwing it all back up, as you don't destroy the taste, or have to look at it and you can read a good book at the same time. Brilliant!

Bloody genius, I am.

posted by Brock @ Friday, January 28, 2005