IT support a la Brock stylee
A Friend of mine has been having issues with Flickr and a very slow page loading speed. So I leapt into the breach and decided to help. I have included an excerpt from the email below in case there should be any others that require my assistance.I am available for a very modest fee, and have a reasonable lead time. Feel free to contact me with any issues.
I have been seeing the problems that you have with Flickr, and due to the fact that I have seen nothing like the delays that you have (there was about 2 hours or so last night where pages took up to 5 seconds to load, but it's all fixed now) I have decided to investigate.
I have, you will be pleased to know, fixed it and discovered the answer.
Due to the fact that you live 'Oop North', combined with the fact that it is indeed 'grim' up there, the answer was patently obvious to one of my towering intellect.
You are at the wrong end of the country. Simple as that.
Or (as alternatives) it could be one of the following:
1: Due to the fact that you have only just stopped using gas lamps and the like up there, and that electrickery is a 'new thing', you need to check your wiring. It is a simple mistake for people unused to this to wire things up wrongly. Have you, by any chance, checked that you don't have your kettle lead plugged into your modem? Or perhaps an iron? Routing the internet through domestic appliances is a common mistake in the third world, so this potential cause must be eliminated.
2: t'internet has great big bits of data coming through (called packets). These packets can be quite big, so just check that you don't have a chair on your modem lead, or some other such constriction. This can stop the packets getting through. A knot or tight twist can also cause issues, so try and keep the wire as straight as you can. A downhill slope also aids the situation, but can adversely affect your upload speed if too severe.
3: Try a smaller screen. Trying to fill a great big monitor with pixels is also asking a bit much when the data needs to come so far from the civilized world. A smaller screen means less pixels, so requires smaller 'packets' and so less time to fill it. Stands to reason, innit.
4: Move South. Or just move your computer itself south and place it on a large hill. Through a system of fishing rods with pencils on the end and a telescope, you can gain the advantage of having a southern (and hence speedy) connection, but still benefit from the advantages of dirt cheap housing and plentiful coal and ice that are the only reasons for living up North.
5: Make tea while the page loads. This can be good, but protracted web usage may cause kidney disorders through sheer liquid volume being processed.
There. That should do it. Form an orderly line, please. That sort of quality help doesn't come around every day, people. Grab the chance while you can.
posted by Brock @ Wednesday, November 09, 2005
2 Comments:
You thicko!!! Signals to North America go over the North Pole as it's the shortest distance from the UK, therefore we are closer to flickr than you southern jessies.
It was written for Southerners.
I didn't think that either of the Northerners with computers would read this.
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