Hmmm? Isn't it? Banana?

Knight in shining armour

I have been a hero this weekend. This may surprise all but a few of you, as you all know how goddamn great I am most of the time anyway...

My mate Siobain was moving out of her flat (in the same block as mine) on Friday. I met her because she parked next to me in the car park. She meant to and all that, it wasn't as if that was where her car came to a screeching stop or anything. Also, she is (apart from the friends of hers that I have since met) the only person I know in this town.

Anyway, I got a call from her on Thursday night at about half 8, with her sounding mildly hysterical but trying to cover it rather badly. She is a bit mad and zany anyway (she is an art teacher) and tends to giggle a lot, just for background and to give you some sort of mental picture. So, I get a call saying

"Erm. Are you busy?"

"Not really, bit knackered. Am about to hammer into a bottle of wine as a soporific aid. Why?"

"Um. I'm moving out tomorrow and....erm... I kind of haven't really managed to get anything packed. Could you come round and help me?"

"Ok. I just need to get a few things sorted and I will be there"

Very generous of me, I thought. I wandered round and went in to find Siobain looking rather forlorn, more than a little crumpled and gently lapping the lounge of her flat looking hard at all the stuff and at all the boxes and doing precisely fuck all to help her predicament. I came to the conclusion that deeply disorganised people (her flat is a massive mess-fest) really shouldn't leave all their packing until they have only 18 hours to be out of their houses... I started to pack all the crockery at warp speed whilst she wandered around the flat saying

"erm..."

and

"...oh"

At random intervals as she washed one plate here, put a picture frame into a box here, took a cup from me (as it didn't belong to her and I was packing it! It all goes in as far as I am concerned) and generally fuck-arsed about getting all worked up about it. I took to wrapping stuff and shouting at her to concentrate every 30 seconds until I got bored (and a sore throat) and sat her down and made her calm down. I then reasoned that although the van needed to leave the next day, she only need pack the stuff that must go in the van before it arrived, and that she could leave the other stuff till her mates arrived at lunchtime to help her. This seemed to calm her, so I spent the next half hour pointing at stuff for her to pack until she did it, and I think the totalitarian regime technique calmed her.

Anyway, I left at about midnight, and all was a bit calmer. I had persuaded Siobain that perhaps packing all the stuff in 3 layers of bubble wrap, and sealing it into a box with 8 strips of packing tape was perhaps a touch overkill being as the stuff was only going 3 miles to the other side of town...

No. Seriously.

Women. She got it all done though, and even managed to get all her deposit back from the landlady too, so all was well. Aren't I helpful?

posted by Brock @ Monday, November 01, 2004