Hmmm? Isn't it? Banana?

Why do parents hate their offspring?

So. I am enjoying a rather relaxing weekend, and am gently meandering around this rather interesting place in the company of a charming and intelligent friend, when I am dragged from my intake of the wonders of the world around us by a young (and I shall be generous here) lady, calling her son. She is wearing a white track suit and a couple of gold chains (I kid you not, I know I make some shit up, but this is not some of it!)and is trying to point out the large fish in the adjacent tank to the young lad. He can be all of 4 or 5, is my guess. I don't know. He was pretty damn small, anyway, and had no car keys in his hand so I am assuming he was a minor. Anyway, I digress (there's a thing, eh?), and the young 'lady' is uttering the following:

"Come and look at the big fish! Look! Come on, Neo, come and look!"

Oh. My. God. What the FUCK was she thinking of? Is there anything that will mark you as a council house-dwelling, benefit claiming, fuckwit than naming your offspring after a Sci-Fi character? It's not even a real fucking name!!! I had to fight the urge to laugh in her face.

I have always had this obsession with the thought that if I was blighting someone with a naming convention that was (at least nominally) going to last their entire life, that I would attempt to be sympathetic to their ensuing plight through the school system. Calling a child after a film character of such growing cult status as that will undoubtedly earn that child years of torture and abuse. I had a double whammy of a pisstake-worthy name (as those that know it will be aware) and it was not fun. Regardless of the effects in later life.

Imagine being in your forties and being called "Neo"? That would be as bad as being called "Obi Wan" now, or "Chewbacca" or some other such bollocks.

Kill them now, or at the very least sterilise the parents. If we let them breed, our civilization will descend to the lowest common denominator.

"Tricia for Prime Minister!!! She knows what our lives are about!!!"

Christ it doesn't bear thinking about.

posted by Brock @ Monday, September 27, 2004