Hmmm? Isn't it? Banana?

Shopping hilarity

I've just had the most entertaining little expedition to Sainsbury's. I went to do my weekly (or so) shopping, and to get a load of stuff to clean the flat with as I appear to have run out all at once. Cheers for that, life.

First of all, I got glared at for grinning at a young lady in there. She was quite young (probably 17/18) but very pretty, nubile and smiley. All the bumps in the right places, with tight jeans and a thin T shirt. Oh, don't start me off...

Someone tripped over their trolley and I was sniggering to myself when I caught the young lady in question's eye, and we shared a little smile about it, as you do. Then as we passed each other at the end of the aisle, I gave her a mildly (well, kind of) flirtatious grin, and she smiled back and went bright red, just as her mum turned to ask her something. Her Mum whipped her head around to see this unshaven 6ft or so older bloke grinning at her daughter. It may have even looked like a leer from that angle, but I can hardly be held responsible for that, can I?

She was less than impressed. I didn't help the situation by finding it funny that she got uppity, but being of sound English stock she didn't say anything, merely glared with the force of a thousand icy daggers.

Hehehe.

Then, as I was shopping, I heard the crash of a bottle hitting the floor, to be followed a couple of minutes later by the inevitable tannoy call for a cleaner to go and clean it up. I happened to round the end of the aisle on which the incident had occurred just before the cleaner got there. I watched her as she bustled up self-importantly to 'take charge' over the staff member already standing there keeping customers from slipping on the red wine on the floor. They didn't have a mop, you see, so were clearly sub-ordinate. This left me in pole position to watch the cleaner wield her mop with gusto, and in the process neatly swipe a litre bottle of olive oil straight off the shelf behind her... Hell of a mess red wine and olive oil makes, you know.

I was already giggling at the performance she was putting in - really milking the idea that she was 'fixing an emergency' - and this spectacular disaster just made me laugh more. Out loud and right next to her, as it transpired. For Amanda's sake, as she will no doubt wonder when she reads this, I didn't point at her at the same time. I felt that some random bloke laughing in her face was enough and besides, I was so close that if I had straightened out my arm to point I'd have taken her eye out, and that was perhaps a touch over the top. She had enough problems already from where I was standing.

They were busy too, the cleaners, I saw a case of wine hit the floor about 5 minutes later, followed almost immediately for a cleaner in the coffee shop, too. Must have been a day trip for the Butterfingers Shopping Club (Fuckwits division).

A hugely enjoyable shopping trip, full of the bizarre and obscure, gently sprinkled with dithering idiots. Without all the light relief, I may have stabbed someone such was the massive quantity of idiots bimbling around getting in my way. Fortunately, this only added to the amusement of such a random shopping experience. Even the doddering old twat that nearly got himself run over twice in the car park (both times by my car, as it happens) didn't make me shout out the window to see if I could make him keel over. I just drove home shaking my head at the whole experience.

posted by Brock @ Saturday, May 14, 2005