Horse farts smell bad...
I forgot to mention. I don't know whether it was as a personal statement or mere coincidence, but both of the other horses chose to wait until I was sitting close behind them before farting/crapping in such prolific volumes that I very nearly died of asphyxia. No, seriously.It was an incredible stench. I had no idea that digested grass could smell so bad.
We were inside the first time it happened. I was sitting there waiting to be told to do something when I became dimly aware that the tail of the horse in front seemed to be rising as one, ie from the top as if it was being pulled up by a string around the base. Because I was directly behind, I had none of the traditional profile of tail curling clear to warn me, you see.
"That's odd. I wonder why...." Thought I.
And slow realisation dawned too late for avoiding action. With a sound akin to that of the doors of a bus opening (and a double decker one at that) a green fog billowed in my direction. I already had a hangover, thank you very much, and needed no more encouragement for stomach-stability issues I can assure you. And what with being inside, and hence void of all ability of the wind to clear the foul odour, I had to sit there pretending I was enjoying myself with a fixed grin until it eventually fell on the floor with a wet thud, shaking the ground gently.
You've no idea how hard it is to retch gracefully whilst trying to maintain a fixed grin. I gave up and, being a classy sort of guy cried:
"Oh my fucking god! That STINKS!"
Ah well. I may have destroyed all pretence at decorum, but at least the disapproving glances from the stable girl distracted me from throwing up. Pop back next week, kids, for some more erudite and mature wisdom from the grown ups.
posted by Brock @ Tuesday, October 12, 2004
3 Comments:
I do know the feeling. Wish to hell I didn't.
Vanessa / Sarsparilla
Rhino farts smell worse than satan's workboots, as I found out on a trip to the Cotswold Wildlife Park a few years ago.
And penguin shit... man, that stinks! And apparently, in some of their habitats, because there's no soil for it to be absorbed into, it sits on rocks and ice for years, building-up... and stinking.
I did see a penguin slip-over on its own cack though *smirk*
LOL! Molly immediately came to mind while reading this. Molly is a horse that lives in a stable close to my house. I sometimes walk over to see her. She's really sweet and always walks over to me and lets me pet her, but man, is she flatulent. She always farts whenever I see her. I always see her lift her tail and hear her fart (like you said, it sounds like the doors to a bus opening), but never smelled it until one day when I was petting her and she lifted her tail and let one rip. Like you said, it was an incredible stench. That was the first (and probably won't be the last if I continue to see Molly) time I smelled a horse's fart.
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