Hmmm? Isn't it? Banana?

Bad Parking

I don't think it's all that difficult, really. The entrance to our fenced off parking area has a "Private Parking" sign on it. The spaces are numbered. This would imply some sort of ownership, surely? To anyone with enough of a brain to have a driving licence, anyway.

So I arrive back from work on Tuesday at just after six with Dave the MD (Not the old "complete wanker" one, the new "all round top bloke" one) following me back to my flat to drop off my car, as I am going to a pub I know to have dinner with him. He lives 250 miles away, and stays down here in the week and doesn't like eating on his own - he is a sociable sort. I had been going on about this fantastic steak that I had had the previous week and had said I would show him how good the pub was one evening. I arrive to find that some prick had parked in my space. Now I hate this kind of shit at the best of time, but we were hungry and had that 'need steak' thousand yard stare that some of you will be familiar with.

So, without any hesitation, I parked right up to his rear bumper and left my car there. It was only upon reflection as I got into Dave's car to go to the pub, that we started discussing the implications of this. Dave was wetting himself at the idea that I was just going to block this prick into the space and not bat an eye. We then decided that being as we would be gone for about an hour and a half at least, that it might be prudent to leave my number on the car so that the prick in question could call me when he wanted to leave. This seemed reasonable after a moments thought, mainly because the only way that I was going to shift my car before I was good and ready was if he was likely to damage it. I had taken the registration number anyway, of course, so I had that little bit of info in case. I could then assess his character over the phone and allow myself to modify my approach to telling him what I thought of him, if need be.

So. We go off to eat. It did, incidentally turn out to be a fantastic meal, and not an anti-climax after all my waxing lyrical about the fantastic cow-slices they served. Sure enough, as we are just finishing our meals (fortunately for him) my phone rings. It is now about a quarter to eight. I decided to stay matter of fact and calm throughout the call, and pretty much managed it:

Me: "Hello?"

Prick: "Er, hi. My name's Justin. You've left your number on my car to call you, because you are blocking me in".

"No. I left my number because you are parked in my space and stopped me using it." (I believe in going in gently in these situations, as you can see)

"Yeah, well I need to go now."

"Oh, right. Well...I reckon I might be back in about 15 minutes, maybe 20"

"Yeah, but can you come and move your car now? I need to go."

"No. I'm out for a meal. You should have thought about that before you parked in my space"

"But I was here to see a friend, and I was longer than I thought."

"I don't care, really. Not my problem. You shouldn't have been so inconsiderate as to have parked there at all, never mind for longer than you thought. What made you think that I wouldn't need my space at 6 o'clock - you know, when most people get home from work?"

"Well I wasn't going to be here long when I parked here"

"Any time is too long when it's not your space, pal. You shouldn't be there at all"

"Look, there's no need to get arsey, I'll move as soon as you shift your car"

"Well I think there is every reason to be arsey. I'll be back in about 20 minutes, you can either wait, or call me again then to see if I've had a chance to move my car yet."

Down goes the phone. Dave is in stitches on the other side of the table.

"Not shy of confrontation, are you?"

We get back in slightly less than 20 minutes, to my disappointment, and Prick is sitting in his car in the cold with his girlfriend. Much to my amusement - reckon he'll have got an ear bashing for the inevitable "Don't be daft, no-one will mind" that blokes normally tell their girlfriends when they object to them parking where they shouldn't. I walked straight over to my car and moved it back just enough to let him get out and then parked it properly. I think he may have been seething a bit. Of course, he couldn't show it, as that would have made him lose face in front of his girlfriend, wouldn't it? That would have thrown the "I told you so" gates WIDE open if he'd got pissy about it...

Hehehe. Twat. That'll learn 'im. Hope he was late for something important, and that she denied him sex for a few days for making her sit in the cold.

posted by Brock @ Friday, November 12, 2004