Friday, September 30, 2005

Mr Madonna rip off

Sal has happened upon a 6 minute video done in a Guy Ritchie style. He blogged it in this post. It is actually really good, both as a short film, and as a piss take. Enjoy.


The video is here.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Chef of the year

When I went to Liverpool this weekend, I stayed with a friend of mine. She is a very together kind of cookie; she's a lawyer, and deals with corporate take-overs and the like all the time. A smart girl.

I was admiring her new, top floor corner penthouse, apartment (it is way too flash to be called a flat) and commenting on the hooooooge windows, the wonderful view from the balcony and the like, when I professed a conditional liking for the kitchen:

Me: "It's nicely laid out, but don't you find it's a little small for trying to cook anything proper?"

A: "Um. Not really..." (sheepish look)

Me: "What do you mean, not really?"

A: "I'm not big on cooking"

Me: "Yeah, but even the simplest of meals is going to get cramped, isn't it?"

A: "Well......" (even more sheepish look)

Me: (incredulous) "Fucking hell! You don't actually cook at all, do you! Hahahaha!"

A: "I'm just a bit crap at cooking, and all the restaurants and take-aways are so close"

Me: "Yeah, but even so, you can't be all that bad at cooking, surely. Do you just not like it?"

A: "Well. I did try and microwave a potato once. But I ended up setting fire to it... That was about as complicated as I got...."

She did, apparently, genuinely set fire to a potato. Black smoke billowed furiously from the microwave, and she had to throw it outside as it smouldered and sailed gently down the 4 floors to the ground...

Awesome. I've never realised that someone so together could be quite so crap before!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Digger generation


Digger generation
Originally uploaded by Brock.

Not that I'm childish (at all) but this made me laugh, as it looked like either it was a family of diggers playing in a sandpit, or three diggers the same size in a really deep hole...

I got the giggles.

The bloke in the top digger gives the driver of the middle one a lift down to his one in the mornings and at lunchtime in the bucket.

How cool is that?

I mean, the novelty would wear off after...ooooh... a day, but cool to start with, eh?

Oh how they know me...

I was pointed to a rather entertaining site today by Saltation. It is a site that essentially abuses you for being shit. It was pointed out in an internet forum site. The title of the post was

iBrock now available.

That amused the crap out of me. Something tells me I may have a reputation for being abusive. Can't imagine why (even if I have been rather quiet of late). After all, I have been known and referred to by some of my friends from Uni (although not by my Mother, now that I think about it) as VC (for Vulgar Cunt) for over 13 years now...

This came about because of my habit of ending conversations in a somewhat terminal fashion. I'm sure you are aware of the times when a rambling conversation is taking a more rude, disgusting or downright perverted turn. There is always someone that says something that makes some or all of the other participants to go "Aaaarrgghhh ! That's nasty!" or some such utterance of disapproval for 'going too far'.

Well. That person wasn't me. Oh no. I was always the one that made the next comment. Usually a significant step further toward depraved than the previous one.

Always amused me, anyway. They were generally the sort of comment that, with women in particular, always produced a pretty much instant litmus test of whether we were going to get on. They either utterly despised me for ever more (usually!), or found it amusing. Very little in-between, oddly.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Apathy

Meh.

Bleugh.

There's something about a dog-shit internet connection that falls over every 5 minutes that really screws my desire to even sit at the computer and do all the offline stuff. Never mind all the stuff I have to do online.

I have CV's to re-write, letters to draft, emails to write... etc...etc

I have a few people (female!) that I would really like to write long, rambling, charming and deeply flirtatious emails to. I just have the mental capacity of a wet sock at the moment. Too much to think about, too much to sort out.

As per usual, I need some sort of deadline or pressure (or even something to really piss me off) to fire up the grey matter. Once I get going, I'm fine and momentum carries me along. But when I get into this deep pool of molasses that is my current enthusiasm pool, all I can be arsed to do is play Playstation and watch films.

Still, I am allowing myself this week to be a cabbage. I am going up to Liverpool to see a friend this weekend, and intend to try and knuckle down to all my jobs from Sunday afternoon onwards.

We'll have to see if that is just intentions or a realistic aim...

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Classy seduction

I had a lady friend come over last night for something to eat and to
watch a DVD. We are actually friends, although it is a running gag that
we flirt outrageously. We were choosing a DVD:

Her: "Well, what are we going to watch, then?" (flicks through DVD
collection)

Me: "I don't mind, they're my DVD's so anything is ok by me."

Her: (picking one up) "Ooooh, what about Snatch?"

Me: "Well.... actually I was, now that you mention it, fully
intending on seeing snatch tonight..."

I got punched for that. Although she did smile after pretending to be
disapproving for a bit.

I don't do subtle.

(note: Links are for the foreign language/generally foreign/stupid for
if they don't get the joke...)

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Interjections

There was a fair amount of piss taking in the office today. I thought I
would share a couple with you all - both computer (and indeed keyboard)
related, as it happens:

1:
Buyer (not exactly a computer whizz, and just in receipt - and in some
awe - of shiny new laptop) is talking to office admin girl:

"Erm..." (pokes keyboard connected to laptop) "This keyboard
keeps doing funny things, you know."

Office admin:

"What do you mean?"

Me (from across the office, when they least expect it): "Every time he
pushes down on the little switchy button things, these funny letters keep
appearing on the television"

2:
Some time later, MD comes into the office and goes to the end of it to
talk to IT blokey:

"Have you got another keyboard? Mine keeps typing the letter 5 whenever
I press the delete key."

IT: "Was this before or after you spilt tea all over it"

MD: "Admittedly, there was tea involved at one stage, but it started
doing this before, to be honest"

(slight pause. And as you all know, that's longer than I need...)

Me: "Far be it from me to throw accusations about and all that (IT
bloke), but if I spilt tea on my keyboard, wouldn't you be
calling me a dumb arse around about this point in the conversation?"

IT: "There is a possibility that I might call you that. Of course, I
would never suggest that our esteemed leader could be one. I'm sure that
there is a good explanation for the attempt to type with a hot beverage...

Is there?"

MD: "Um. I thought it needed cleaning? No. That isn't going to cut it is
it. Although I do appreciate you not calling me a dumb arse. That would
probably be a sackable offence" (looks pointedly at me and grins)

Some days I will miss this place. Although this has never been a
particularly prevalent feeling when perusing my pay packet. So it's good
my notice has already gone in, I guess.

Minty highway, here I come.

Monday, September 05, 2005

The passage of stuckiness


The passage of stuckiness
Originally uploaded by Brock.

When you are walking along the seashore, do try and be responsible. Do not, as an alternative, end up scrabbling along a cliff getting yourself further and further into the shit. Click on the picture for the full stupidity of a stubborn man who refused to be beaten by the mere sea.

Until he gave up after shitting himself about falling off the cliff, that is. Then he sat there with his tail between his legs and moped.

Holiday snaps


Brock and St Michaels mount
Originally uploaded by Brock.

The advent of the digital and internet age means that although the catchment area for my dull as fuck holiday snaps is much wider, the need for politely nodding, smiling and generally feigning interest as I never-endingly shove another one under your nose is eliminated, as I have no need to even be there should you decide to look through them.

They are in chronological order in the Set rather than in the random upload order in the stream, so maybe start from that page. It also allows you to cherry pick the tumbnails you find interesting in a more accesible way.

Ho hum. Try and enjoy as best you can.

Oh, and for reference, after my last post, it was 217 miles there, and I got there in 3 hrs 15. What does the AA know, eh? Although admittedly it did take me 5 1/2 hours to get back. However I did stop for a McDonalds, then some fuel, and generally bimble around. And there was loads of traffic and a few accidents. They were probably still clearing up from the ones I caused on the way down, actually...